Thursday, April 30, 2009


Recently it occurred to me that I spend a lot of time ignoring things that are going on in my body.

I’ve been ignoring my headaches for years. I can function pretty normally with a headache that would floor most other people just by ignoring it. When doctors couldn’t figure out how to make my headaches go away, I had no choice but to be miserable or ignore them and get on with my life.

I’ve been ignoring the cold sore in the middle of my bottom lip that absolutely refuses to heal because my immune system is so screwed up. I wake up with a lip (and sometimes pillowcase) caked in blood and I just ignore it because I can’t make it heal any faster by worrying or getting upset about it.

I’ve been ignoring the little bit of extra weight I’ve gained by taking prednisone every day. Prednisone is necessary right now to control my RA and I can’t help it if I don’t feel well enough to exercise sometimes. If I get upset about the extra weight, it doesn’t do me any good.

I am ignoring the pain in a couple of my finger joints right now as I type this post, because otherwise typing it would be frustrating.

Lately I’ve especially been ignoring the pain in my feet. My toes have been particularly painful for about a week – really curling inwards on themselves, which causes my feet to cramp and my ankles to get sore. My feet hurt if I walk; my feet hurt if I rest. My feet hurt when I take Aleve all day; my feet hurt when I take nothing at all. My feet hurt when I soak them, heat them, ice them…there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do to make them hurt less. So what choice do I have but to ignore them? Because the alternative is to get angry and upset, and that doesn’t do me any good at all.

However, I’m beginning to think that all this ignoring isn’t really that good for me either.


A said...

I hope this comes out the right way, but your last paragraph sounds like the Grim brother's version of Dr. Seuss...

"My feet would hurt if in a box,
My feet hurt as if sat on by an ox
My feet hurt if I take a pill
Oh how I wish my feet would chill."

Because that which we can no longer ignore we must find some way to laugh at, no?

I love you, and your feet.

~Mariah~ said...

My hair is gold
My feet are cold
I have a bird I like to hold