I really love fall in Boulder - the leaves change colors and the snowline moves closer and closer down the mountains towards us. The air turns crisp and clean and cold, but it's almost always still sunny and gorgeous. But there is one thing that I really hate about the first few days of cold weather in Boulder: sick students.
At first, it probably doesn't make a lot of sense to hear someone with an autoimmune condition (i.e. someone who is sick all the time) say that she hates sick students. But read that sentence again: as someone with an autoimmune condition, I hate sick students.
I know, obviously from personal experience, how much it sucks to be sick. It's no fun not to feel well. But here's the thing: when you feel sick, stay home. I don't hate you because you are sick - I hate you because you are wandering around campus sniffling on everybody. You're coughing next to me in class. You're sneezing on me on the bus. And all the while you're complaining loudly about how sick you feel!! GO THE HELL HOME!! You're going to get your perfectly healthy classmates sick!! Your immune compromised classmates who inject themselves with immune suppressants every week (i.e. me) will have no chance whatsoever!!!
Yesterday, in response to these complaints, one of my friends told me I should just Lysol everybody on campus - i.e. Lysol as a verb, which I loved. We decided we were going to make me a Lysol Gun.
Part 1: Supersoaker
Part 2: Lysol
Part 3: Run across campus like Rambo and disinfect every inconsiderate contagious student!!!