Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Secret Post #3: Second Thoughts

NOTE: This post is part of a series that I wrote in secret during the months before I announced my pregnancy. The series chronicles my pregnancy journey: from weaning off my RA meds, to trying to conceive, to searching for helpful advice and information, to discovering I was pregnant, to the ups and downs of my first trimester. You can read all the posts in this series here.

This Post Written May 10, 2011

I'm not going to lie - with the way I've been feeling lately, I have to admit to having a few second thoughts about my decision to go off my meds before the wedding. I guess it's normal to have second thoughts about any big decision with pros and cons, but I can't seem to stop myself from thinking about how strong I was feeling before I went off my meds. And now I am feeling considerably weaker, and starting to get pretty nervous about how I will feel at my wedding. Every once in a while the thought crosses my mind: have I ruined my enjoyment of my own wedding?

But, whenever I express these concerns to APL, he reminds me that it was because I was strong, because I was doing well, that we were able to make this difficult decision in the first place. And he reminds me that he will be there to love and support me no matter how I am feeling. So, though I have to admit to having a few second thoughts, overall I'm still happy with my decision because it is bringing us one step closer to a family of our own. 

2 comments:

Mom2LittleMiss said...

I have to be honest -- I've had my doubts about APL. Being a spouse to someone with RA takes a lot of love, patience, and strength. But after reading this post, I can honestly say those doubts are totally erased.

Now is he every bit as good as my Chris? Maybe... but not near as handsome ;-)

~Mariah~ said...

MOM2LITTLEMISS: Um....thanks? ~;o) Hahahah. In reality though, we all have our struggles but I could never get through mine without APL.