Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I Am A Little Black Rain Cloud

Today, River woke me up at 8:30am by vomiting on the floor. I had to jump out of bed to clean it up before it soaked into the carpet, which was no easy task for me (the jumping or the scrubbing). Then I opened the bedroom door so River could go downstairs, in case she still felt sick. But I guess the little sicky was feeling better because she hopped back up on the bed and went straight back to sleep. So I followed suit and we slept until noon. At least she didn’t barf on the bed.

I really am trying to focus on the things I still have to be happy about. And I am objective enough to understand that in the process of figuring out how to live with my RA there’s going to be ups and downs. And I know that things are generally progressing in the direction of “better,” albeit slowly. I know all this.

But, unfortunately, even having that mindset doesn’t make the sucky days suck any less. Or the sucky weeks, for that matter. And this has been a sucky week. I’ve been feeling icky and sad. Yesterday the biggest thing I accomplished was walking to the mailbox to pay a $539 hospital bill. I did nothing else other than feel gross. On Sunday, APL and I had invited people over for game night, but when people arrived I felt so disgusting and antisocial that I couldn’t even bring myself to go downstairs and face people who are our friends. The little projects I have started for myself have held no interest. I've lost my appetite. And I don’t know how to snap out of it.

I guess I'll snap out of it when I start feeling a little bit better, which hopefully will be soon.

6 comments:

Sylvia said...

Hunny bunny, I know it's hard , but I also know you are strong and wonderful and things will get better. Take a deep breath and know that you are loved and supported by many people. Take your time and always embrace joy and life.

A said...

Did you get the crazy-heavy package o cake mix? Just checking-- you could save it for a "feeling better" day, or just whip up the batter and eat the whole bowl raw. Could be a good test. :)

Rebecca said...

The above cake batter suggestion is genius. Genius.

I'll take one for the team and help, but only because I'm such a selfless bundle of humanity.

Z said...

The package o cake mix has not yet arrived, but just as well because my oven is still broken! The guy is supposed to come fix the oven today, so maybe the cake mix will arrive today too. Otherwise, I would have eaten it all raw...

Sarah said...

i love you! watch some big love. :)
can i do anything to help?

~kelly marie~ said...

sending hugs and sunshine your way :)