Monday, November 9, 2009

Pessemistic

I know I am doing better. I know things are better than they were a year ago. Actually, more like a year and a half at this point. I know all this.

But...

But, no matter how positive I try to be, some days it feels like things will never stop going wrong. Some days it feels like if there is ever an option for something to turn out good or to turn out bad, it always turns out bad. This isn't my favorite feeling, but I don't quite no how to shake it on days when it feels like everything is going wrong.

Take today, for example. This morning I went to the eye doctor because my contacts have been a bit blurry lately. Though that prescription was supposed to be good until January, it turns out my eyes have already gotten worse. My prescription needs to be strengthened. This would be no big deal except that, for some reason, my right eye doesn't seem to be focusing properly. Which means that even with the strengthened prescription, my right eye is still blurry. Which I suspect contributes greatly to the headache I have had for about a week and a half now. The doctor said he can't see anything wrong with the eye, which is good, but that also means he can't fix the problem. He gave me some contacts to try and said my eyes might adjust to them. Might? Oh, good. I'm going back in a week to get checked out again. In the meantime, I still have a wicked headache.

Today APL is also at home waiting for the plumber to deal with more bad news. Extremely bad news. Why is it that with our house when something goes wrong, it really goes wrong? Here's how it started:

On Friday I noticed some water on the floor in the laundry room. No good. So we called a plumber, who said that our water heater was 20 years old, leaking, and needed to be replaced. Which is true. So there's several hundred dollars on that. However, the next day we noticed that when we turned the shower on, water was coming up through the drain in the laundry room floor. Sewage water. Gross. We poured some draino down there. No help.

So then we call roto-rooter to unblock the pipe. Three hours and lots of equipment later, including some equipment getting broken from whatever was blocking our pipe, roto-rooter determines that we have a collapsed sewage pipe that will need to be excavated. Really? Excavated? Awesome.

The slightly good news is that, depending on the exact location of of the collapse (where it is physically located, whether it is a shared line) our HOA may be at least partially responsible for the cost. But, the extra bad news is that our HOA is a complete disaster and every time we deal with them we end up with a much bigger headache than we originally started with. So, no matter where the break turns out to be located, dealing with it probably won't be pretty.

I'm also feeling sort of discouraged about how things are going at school. My dad had this crazy idea of taking an intersession law class in Australia over the winter intersession. His idea was that it would be a good way to earn some credits towards finishing my degrees, reduce the stress I will be under next semester, and give APL and me a little mini vacation that might lift our spirits up. APL and I love to travel, so a vacation like this could be like pressing the reset button for the new year. It was also the first idea to make things better that I've felt excited about in a long time.

The problem is that I have to get the credits approved by the Dean's office before I can sign up for the program. Though I turned in the paperwork for the class last Tuesday, and though there is another student form my law school who already has approval for the second session of this program, for some reason the Dean's office really seems to be dragging their feet on approving the session that I want to attend. And, since this traveling would take place over the holidays, the longer we wait to book our travel the more expensive it will be. How long can we wait before it becomes totally out of our price range? Especially since we have so little money coming in these days?

So I am anxious to know, one way or the other, whether the credits will be approved. On Friday, I politely asked the Dean's secretary when I might have a decision. This morning I got a message that the Dean wanted to meet with me. I thought I would find out, one way or the other, whether I could go to Australia this winter. But the Dean only wanted to tell me that she would make a decision by the end of the week. And she seemed sort of annoyed that I had asked at all about when I would hear at all.

I know she still could decide yes at the end of the week, and a week will probably only change the cost of things a little, which hopefully we can still afford, but somehow it just felt really discouraging that the Dean's office wasn't being more helpful and encouraging. And the little pessimist inside of me seems to have already decided that the only plan I've been excited about in a while isn't going to work.

And my hands hurt.

Today is not my favorite day.

But I'm also sick of being pessimistic. I'm sick of being discouraged. When is our luck going to change?

2 comments:

Rex Invictus said...

It can't rain every day, except in monsoon season. And apparently it's monsoon season. We can't catch a break either :(

AJN

~Z~ said...

Somehow, the fact that my friends are also having a hard time lately makes me feel better and worse at the same time. ~;o(