NOTE: This post is part of a series that I wrote in secret during the months before I announced my pregnancy. The series chronicles my pregnancy journey: from weaning off my RA meds, to trying to conceive, to searching for helpful advice and information, to discovering I was pregnant, to the ups and downs of my first trimester. You can read all the posts in this series here.
This Post Written July 28, 2011
Today I posted about Christina, who started her own blog because there are so few resources out there for women trying to get pregnant while dealing with arthritis. And I wholeheartedly agree!! I am one of those women looking for resources!!
I have to admit that Christina's bravery in telling her story has provoked some feelings of guilt for keeping my own story a secret for so many months, especially after being so open about everything else on this blog for the pat few years. I am aware that this blog is itself a type of resource for others out there, though a small one, and maybe I could be making a difference in the lack of resources for women with arthritis trying to get pregnant. It's a really weird feeling - to feel guilty about maybe possibly not helping someone who could potentially use it. But it's how I feel today.
However, it still holds true that my biggest worry related to pregnancy and RA is the anxiety and pressure of having to "try" to get pregnant with a body that I feel like I just can't trust anymore. I'm irrationally worried that my body will be physically incapable of getting pregnant - which is why it worries me so much to have everyone know that we are trying. I know that questions and comments from friends and family would be well-meaning, but I'm afraid that if it takes us a while to conceive the concern of our loved ones might actually turn into a stress factor that would make it more difficult than it already is to conceive. So I'm doing what's best for me and holding my tongue about it, at least for now.
Hopefully, when I am able to publish the last 11 secret posts (and whatever secret posts come after this one) I will actually be able to contribute to the lack of resources out there. In the meantime, I'm glad I could tell the world about Christina!