Sunday, December 11, 2011

Secret Post #14: Fatigue

NOTE: This post is part of a series that I wrote in secret during the months before I announced my pregnancy. The series chronicles my pregnancy journey: from weaning off my RA meds, to trying to conceive, to searching for helpful advice and information, to discovering I was pregnant, to the ups and downs of my first trimester. You can read all the posts in this series here.
 
 This Post Written September 7, 2011

I know we have been extremely busy this summer - what with the wedding, the honeymoon, JA camp, my recent hip pain, and all the other busy weekends. But, even with all of this activity, it's not as if I'm any more busy than when I was in law school. In fact, considering that I am still currently unemployed, I am actually significantly less busy these days than in previous months.

I'm happy to report that, after taking the nabumetone for a week or so, my hips are feeling a lot better. But lately I have been experiencing a level of exhaustion and fatigue that I haven't had to deal with in a long, long time. I am not otherwise ill and my joints are all (mostly) behaving. But: 

I am JUST. SO. VERY. TIRED.

Since I don't have a job, I have actually been spending a lot of my time resting. However, no matter how much I rest, I just can't seem to gain any ground on this fatigue. And that is really frustrating.

When was the last time I felt so very fatigued without an obvious explanation? Actually, it was about 3 years ago, before I really had my RA under control and just as the effectiveness of the Remicade started to wear off. Which means that, at the time, I was basically dealing with untreated RA. And today, having been off my meds for 8+ months so that it is safe to try to get pregnant, I'm basically in the same situation.

And it sucks. Particularly when I get in a grumpy mood.

The day before yesterday I saw a conversation on Facebook between two of my high school classmates that made me want to punch someone and/or jump out a window. Both girls are currently pregnant, and they were discussing the awful fatigue they are experiencing with their pregnancies. Don't get me wrong - they have every right to be frustrated by the fatigue they are experiencing. But it made me want to cry because while their fatigue is a temporary side-effect of their pregnancies mine is part of my everyday life and is turning out to be a huge hurdle to overcome in even trying to get pregnant in the first place!! Even three years later I sometimes get overwhelmed by the unfairness of it all.

Here's to hoping that I manage to reduce this fatigue at least slightly by my next ovulation. Otherwise this whole exercise is pretty pointless!!

2 comments:

Stephanie said...

The fatigue is what bothers me the most. The aches and pains I can deal with, the overwhelming fatigue is what makes me crazy in the head. I usually explain RA fatigue as putting on the thickest and bulkiest snow suit and snow boots you can find - and then try to run through thigh deep water. No matter how fast or hard you try to move it's like a giant hand is holding you back.

RA is so unfair. I understand the desire to punch someone's face all too well.

~Mariah~ said...

STEPHANIE: I agree that fatigue is really the worst part. The pain can be bad but generally easier to adjust to and get on with your life - there's a brace, there's some pain meds, etc. Fatigue can knock you down and there's little you can do to help yourself get up.