Thursday, December 15, 2011

Secret Post #18: Continued Mostly Morning Sickness

NOTE: This post is part of a series that I wrote in secret during the months before I announced my pregnancy. The series chronicles my pregnancy journey: from weaning off my RA meds, to trying to conceive, to searching for helpful advice and information, to discovering I was pregnant, to the ups and downs of my first trimester. You can read all the posts in this series here.

 This Post Written November 4, 2011

TMI Warning: This post contains details about pregnancy that you may consider to be too much information. Don't say I didn't warn you!

There's nothing like starting off your morning with a little bit of dry heaving. Ok, make that a lot of dry heaving. For the life of me I don't understand how I can feel like barfing when there is obviously nothing in my stomach to barf.

This week has been REALLY ROUGH. Constant nausea - and I'm not exaggerating when I say constant. There is currently zero food that is appealing to me. I've been force-feeding myself saltines and chicken soup and whatever else I think I might be able to (try to) keep down. Nasty headaches - and there's nothing safe to take to relieve them. Extreme boob and nipple pain - to the point where I've been sleeping in a sports bra. And while fatigue isn't exactly a new symptom in my life, combined with these other symptoms it has actually taken quite a toll on me. I feel like I have been hit by a truck - a REALLY BIG TRUCK - this pregnancy fatigue feels way worse than my RA fatigue ever was (though to be fair I am most likely dealing with pregnancy fatigue on top of RA fatigue). I really just want to lay on the couch and watch stupid movies all day, which, given my current lack of a job would be totally possible if I didn't have to pee every 15 minutes! Some nights the constant peeing keeps me from sleeping too.
Biology lesson: (a.k.a. Things No One Tells You!) It's common knowledge that pregnant women have to pee all the time, but I always thought that was just later on in the pregnancy when the baby is resting on your bladder. But no! The constant peeing starts right away - for me it was almost immediately after conception - because your blood volume is increasing to build the placenta.
I must admit that I honestly thought getting pregnant was going to be the hard part. Turns out being pregnant is way harder than getting pregnant ever was. (And, I assume we will soon discover that raising a baby is even harder than being pregnant).

As someone who functions on a regular basis while not feeling that great, I've actually been quite surprised about how extremely awful I have been feeling this week. And, more than that, by how incapacitated the not feeling good has made me. I have been entirely useless this week - accomplishing absolutely nothing (other than, you know, the baby I'm growing inside of me). I am so grateful that I don't have a job right now and that APL has been helping with things around the house - because I don't know how I would be functioning right now if I actually had responsibilities. How do women do it?!?! Go to work? Care for other children? Make meals when the sight of food makes you want to die? They are seriously amazing and I salute them.

Luckily, there is good news in all this horribleness: my doctor told me that the more early symptoms I experience the less likely I am to have a miscarriage. And, judging by how the symptoms have totally beat me up this week I'd say I'm carrying one strong baby! So, when I'm curled up on the floor next to the toilet, I try to remind myself that it's actually a good thing!! And (dear god knock on wood!) the morning sickness should only last for a few more weeks.

However, though the pregnancy seems to be progressing well, I have to admit that I'm still not sure exactly what my RA is doing. I've obviously been tired and sore - but is that from the RA or from the pregnancy? Is that feeling going to stick around when the morning sickness ends? (oh god, let the morning sickness end, knock on all the wood!)

And I did have a little bit of cause for concern at pilates last week. My instructor helped me figure out that what I thought was just general low back pain was actually coming from trouble with my SI joint (the joint in your pelvis). This makes me nervous because (1) I've never had trouble with my SI joint before and (2) clearly I'm going to be needing to use my pelvis in the upcoming months! I have pilates again today, so I'm looking forward to seeing if my instructor sees any improvement in that joint - though the pain hasn't seemed to change much over the course of the week. Then again, I've been so generally miserable that I think I need an outside opinion at this point.

I just have to keep reminding myself that whatever I end up having to go through - and whether my RA goes into remission or attacks me for the next 7 months - it will all be worth it so APL and I can start our family.

No comments: